Through all of my globe-trotting, I have learned several very important things, not the least of which, is that you will encounter 3 major types of lies along your journey: Lies that you are told by other people, lies that you tell other people and, MOST importantly, lies that you tell yourself.
1: UNSOLICITED ADVICE: The lies that people tell you –
This type is the least harmful and can be likened to flies. They usually involve sentences starting with “You can’t,” “You won’t,” “You shouldn’t,” and “You aren’t.” If you are a strong willed person, you will be able to brush them off of your shoulder with a swift hand and continue along your path. At times, you might feel a need to verbally justify your dreams and aspirations to these people.
JUST. DON’T. DO IT. Don't take it personally.
It is likely that these people are projecting their own insecurities and doubts on to you. It is not a true reflection of what you are capable of or where you are headed. When individuals felt a need to tell me about how difficult it would be to enter this field, I knew it was really just them saying - "I can't do that," "I woulldn't try that." and "I couldn't be that."
2. UNWARRANTED STATEMENTS: The lies you tell people -
This type is slightly more dangerous than the first type… Verbalizing our fears, doubts and shortcomings is healthy. However, this concept is widely misunderstood and overused!
At times, we find it necessary to bash on ourselves by verbalizing doubts to make others feel comfortable about their own insecurities. For example, you might say, "I'm so fat!" or, "I'm so dumb!" When in reality you think you have a damn good body and the brains to go along with it. In this case you are lying for other peoples' benefit.
Another way in which this occurs is when you are doing it to hide how much you care about what you are doing. Allow me to explain -
Before I was in baseball, I would tell people how hard it was going to be for me to get in, how tough it would be to gain the respect of my male counterparts and how much time it would take for baseball to accept me. I was just flat out LYING. I didn’t believe any of that! I knew that I was going to achieve my goal and I expected that the players and staff would respect me in the same manner in which I respect myself…
So why did I lie? I guess a small part of me was fearful that my dream would not come to fruition in the way that I wanted. So, if I told people I didn’t believe in it, then they would say, "Well she knew it would be tough." Or, "Well, she said it was virtually impossible, so her failure to accomplish the goal really isn’t that embarrassing." The shame associated with failure is lessened when people view you as unsure of your capabilities or dedication. Then, in case you do fail, you have let people know that you really don't care and didn't believe that it would happen anyway. When you come off as 100% SURE that you will accomplish a goal and you fail at it, it makes the fall a little more painful and therefore, more shameful.
3. THE CAREER KILLER – THE LIES YOU TELL YOURSELF.
The third and the most dangerous are the lies that you tell yourself.
As much as I would listen to people trying to tell me what to do and I would also tell other people how hard (poor me) it was going to be to get where I was going, I would NEVER tell myself those lies. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
I would daydream on the REGULAR about being interviewed about my journey and what it was like to be a ground breaking female. I would dream about people reaching out to me for career advice and about writing blogs on being a successful person in life. I would daydream about speaking to young women about my journey and how they would be positively affected by my courage and determination.
I knew it was going to happen. I believed it to the core of my being.
I have actually daydreamt about this very blog post! I thought about how I would expose the lies that I listened to and the lies that I told other people. So here I am, exposed!
Live Outside the Box, Rachel